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Relationship Jokes - Marriage Jokes
Final Curtain
At his annual checkup, a man is told that he has contracted a deadly disease and has only twelve hours to live. His only consolation is that it’s not contagious. When he gets home, he tells his wife the awful news. She is devastated and says, “Honey, let’s make love tonight. It will be the night of your life.” They make love with a passion, and it’s amazing, and they kiss and go to sleep. A little while later he wakes her up and says, “How about we do it again?” They make love again, and it’s even better and more bittersweet. They are exhausted. Sensing the end approaching, the husband asks, “Hey, how about just one more time?” “That’s easy for you to say,” the wife says. “You don’t have to get up in the morning.”
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Marrying Young
At the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marry a young girl of 20. Grandpa's doctor tried to explain that at his age sex with a young girl could be dangerous, even fatal. Grandpa, not the slightest bit perturbed replied, "Oh well, if she dies, I'll just get myself another one."
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Getting Excited at the Zoo
It's a beautiful, warm spring morning and a man and his wife are spending the day at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. He's wearing his normal jeans and a T-shirt. The zoo is not very busy this morning. As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy gorilla. Noticing the girl, the gorilla goes ape. (No pun intended) He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny. He suggests that his wife teases the poor fellow some more. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and play along. She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She does, and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear the bars down. "Now try lifting your dress up your thighs and sort of fan it at him," he says. This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy and now he's doing flips. Then the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, flings her in with the gorilla and slams the cage door shut. "Now, tell HIM you have a headache."
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