Hard Times

A married couple are having hard financial times so they decide that their only option is for the wife to become a prostitute. She’s not quite sure what to do, so the husband says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you have a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.”
She’s been standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, “How much?”
She says, “$100”
He says, “All I have is $30”.
She says, “Hold on,” and runs back to her husband and asks, “What can he get for thirty?” “A hand job”, was the reply.
She runs back and tells the guy for $30 he gets a hand job. He agrees, so she gets in the car, he unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE member...
She stares at it for a minute, and then says, “I’ll be right back.” She runs back to her husband, and asks, “Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?”

Get Married

Make love, not war, or get married and do both.

Can't Win

Johnny comes to school with a black eye.
Teacher: what's wrong?
Johnny: our house is very small, me, my mom and my dad, all sleep in the same bed. Every night my dad asks if I'm sleeping. If I say no then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye.
Teacher: tonight when your dad asks, keep dead quiet and don't answer.
The following morning Johnny's teacher sees him with severe swelling on his face.
Teacher: My goodness why the swelling?
Johnny: Dad asked me again me if I was sleeping... I shut up and kept dead still.
Then my dad and mom start moving, you know, mom was breathing heavy, kicking her legs up and making moaning noises. Then my dad asked my mom, "are you coming?"
Mom said: "Yes, I'm coming, are you coming too?"
Dad answered: "Yes."
They don't usually go anywhere without me so I said, wait for me, I'm coming too.