While A Lady Is Present

A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.

Nine Marriage Quotes

1. Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them.
2. May you be too good for the world and not good enough for your wife.
3. May you grow so rich your widow's second husband never has to worry about a living, God forbid.
4. May you live happily ever after with a poor, ugly, shrewish wife.
5. May you never leave your marriage alive.
6. May your wife be a witch who takes after her mother, and may you all live together in a one-room house.
7. Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. --H.L. Mencken
8. My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, And so made sure that she would stay, In better spirits night and day.
9. My opinions are my wife's, and she says I'm lucky to have them. 

Old Couple's Parts Inspection

One day an old man and his wife were sitting in their rockers. The old man reached over and grab his wife's breast and said, ''If these produced milk, we could get rid of the cow.'' Then he reached down and grabbed between her legs and said, ''If this was a little warmer, we wouldn't need the furnace.'' The old woman reached over and grabbed his dick and said, ''If this was a little harder, I wouldn't need your brother.''