Best Friend

A man comes home early from work and finds his wife and his best friend in bed. The man throws up his hands in disbelief and says, "My God Pete! I more-or-less 'have to', but YOU?"

NY Times Ad

Ad seen in the New York Times... FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows f#*#ing everything.

Where am I, Cathy?

Attorney to witness: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?" Witness: "Where am I Cathy?" Attorney: "And why did that upset you?" Witness: "Because my name is Susan."