Twenty Men Die And Go To Heaven

Twenty men die and go to heaven. When they arrive they are told to separate into two lines. One for all the husbands that are under their wives control and they other for those that control their wives. After the men separate one of the angels notices that their are nineteen men in the first line and only one in the second. The angel walks up to the man and asks why he was so sure of his independence. "That's easy," said the fellow, "My wife told me to stand here!"

Gone into Labor

Frantically a man calls 911.
"Help! My wife has gone into labor and her contractions are 10 minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" replied the operator.
"Of course not, you idiot," yelled the man "this is her husband!"

In the graveyard!

An old man and old woman had been married for about 52 years when one day the old woman died. The entire family showed up to the funeral. Every day after the funeral the old man would show up at the grave with his dog and spend a few minutes out there. About two months later a priest saw the old man out there with his dog and decided to go talk to the old man. "Hello there. You know, we see you come out here every day to visit your wife's grave and we just think that so sweet. We were all wondering if the dog is something that was special to your wife since you always bring it out here with you." "No, actually I bring the dog out here to pee on the grave. I'd do it myself, but I'd get arrested for indecent exposure!"