Southern Anniversary Presents

Two southern ladies are sitting at the country club by the pool. The first southern lady says, "When I had my first child, my husband bought me a diamond ring." The second lady says, "Well, isn't that nice." The first lady says, "When my second child was born, my husband took me on a cruise." The second lady says, ''Well isn't that nice." The first lady continues, "When my third child was born, my husband took me on a trip around the world." And the second lady says, once again, "Well, isn't that nice." The first lady asks, "Well, what did your husband get you when your first child was born?" The second lady replies, "My husband sent me to finish school." The first lady asks, "Well why did he do that?" And the second lady says, "So I could learn to say 'Well isn't that nice', instead of 'FUCK YOU!"

Quickie

You know you've been married too long when a "Quickie" before dinner now means a drink.

Divorce Barbie

Tim is shopping to find a Barbie for his daughter when he notices he knows nothing about Barbie and there aren't even prices on them. So, Tim brings three Barbie dolls to the checkout. "Hi, how may I help you?" says the checkout guy. Tim replies, "I have three Barbies and I need to know what they are and how much they cost." The checkout guys says, "Well, the first one is Princess Barbie and she is $20 dollars. The second one is Forever Barbie and she is $25 dollars. The third is Divorce Barbie and she is $250." "What!!? Tim shouts. Are you kidding me?!! Why is Divorce Barbie so much?" The checkout guy explains, "Well, Divorce Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and everything else Ken owns!!"