Eight Times A Virgin

A marketing manager married a woman who had previously been married eight times. On his wedding night, his wife informed him that she was still a virgin.
This puzzled the marketing manager since, after eight marriages, he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomena. Her comments were as follows:

"My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent our entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, 'It's gonna be great!'
My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he would send me documentation.
My third husband was from Field Service who constantly said that everything was diagnostically 'okay', but he just couldn't get the system up.
My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and he simply said, 'Those who can...do; Those who can't...teach.'
My fifth husband was from the Telemarketing Department who said that he had the orders, but he wasn't quite sure when he was going to be able to deliver.
My sixth husband was an Engineer. He told me that he understood the basic process but needed three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
My seventh husband was from Finance and Administration. His comments were that he knew how, but he just wasn't sure whether or not it was his job.
My eighth husband was from Standards And Regulations and told me that he was up to the standards but that regulations said nothing about how to do it."

The wife said sweetly to her new husband, "Now I am married to you, a man of Marketing." The husband looked at his wife and simply said, "I know I have the product, I'm just not sure how to position it!"

As US Tourists In Israel...

As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. "America," the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded. "She's not from the States." "Yes I am." said the wife. He looked at her and asked. "Is he your husband?" "Yes." she replied. Turning to the husband, he offered..... "I'll give you 100 camels for her." The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied, "she's not for sale." After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."

Elderly Couple

An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon. They were in bed getting ready to have sex for the first time and the old woman said, "I should tell you I have acute angina."
The old man says, "I hope so, you sure don't have cute tits."