Mother-in-Law

English Law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law. This is our idea of useless legislation.

Why Divorce Now?

After 40 years of marriage, Jimmy decides to leave Katherine. She starts crying and then asks, "How can you do this, Jimmy? How can you just walk out? The first year we were together, you caught pneumonia and almost died! Who sat by your bed and nursed you back to health? Me! And when you lost half your family in the terrible car crash, who kept you going and kept your spirits up? Me! And when our kids grew up and ran away from home, who sat with you can comforted you? Me! And when you lost everything last year in the fire at the store, who stayed at your side the whole time? Me! How could you leave me, Jimmy? You've been through everything with me." Jimmy replies, "That's just the problem, Katherine! You're just fucking bad luck!"

Reservations

The newlyweds showed up at the hotel and asked for the honeymoon suite. "Do you have reservations?" asked the desk clerk.
"Only one, " replied the groom, "she won't take it up the ass."