Peace at Last

Paddy was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. "What's wrong, Seamus?" Paddy asked. "Well didn't ya know, Paddy, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?" said Seamus. "Ah, praise the Almighty!" Paddy replied with relief. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

It Only Hurt When...

A male-to-female transexual was recently interviewed on a radio talk show. The DJ asked the transexual about what, if any, pain the person experienced during the operation. The transexual replied, "Well, when they cut my penis off, that really didn't hurt too much.  Even when they implanted the breasts in my chest, well, that really didn't hurt too much either...." "Then you didn't experience any real physical pain at all then?" "Hell no!  It hurt like hell when they stuck that big fucking needle in my head and sucked out all my brains and then cut my salary in half!"

Definition of Kinky Sex

I'm not saying that my wife was naive when we got married, but she thought "kinky sex" involved her wearing hair curlers to bed.