Top 10 Things A Girl Won't Say

1) I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!
2) Shouldn't you be out drinking with your friends?
3) Great fart!! Rip another one!
4) Pet names are silly. I just call it my c*nt.
5) You should see the shit I just birthed.
6) I'd rather play GTA5 than go shopping.
7) Let's start subscribing to Hustler.
8) Would you like to see a video of me going down on my friend?
9) I'll swallow it all. I love the taste of it!
10) Are you sure you've had enough to drink? I'm buying.

200 MPH

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.
"Go and get help!" he cried.
"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"
"Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."
Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's gone in too far."

Grandma's Advice

There was this virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. The grandmother says sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that. He is going to try to feel your breast, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his hand between your legs, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that. Most importantly, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that but, don't let him do that, it will disgrace the family. With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it. The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just like she said; "I didn't let him disgrace the family though, when he tried I turned over, got on top of him and disgraced his family!"