Grab Him By The

Treat him like a flower...grab him by the stalk.

Pinnochio

Pinnochio was receiving complaints from his girlfriend about consummating their passions. "Every time we make love," she said, "I get splinters!"
So he went back to his maker, Gipetto, the carpenter, to ask for advice.
"Sandpaper my boy, that's what you need," was the carpenter's response.
A couple of weeks later the carpenter saw Pinnochio again, "How are you getting on with the girls now?"
"Who needs girls?" replied Pinnochio!

Top 10 Things A Girl Won't Say

1) I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!
2) Shouldn't you be out drinking with your friends?
3) Great fart!! Rip another one!
4) Pet names are silly. I just call it my c*nt.
5) You should see the shit I just birthed.
6) I'd rather play GTA5 than go shopping.
7) Let's start subscribing to Hustler.
8) Would you like to see a video of me going down on my friend?
9) I'll swallow it all. I love the taste of it!
10) Are you sure you've had enough to drink? I'm buying.