Reward for Faithfulness

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus at the Pearly Gates.
The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth, I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie....Hell is waiting for you."
To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?"
The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. I never cheated on my wife."
The Lord replied, "Very good! Not only will I allow you in, but for being faithful to your wife I will give you a huge mansion and a limo for your transportation."
To the second man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?"
The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife twice."
The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a four bedroom house and a BMW."
To the third man the Lord asked, "So, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"
The third man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my wife about 8 times."
The Lord replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment, and a Yugo for your transportation."
A couple hours later the second and third men saw the first man crying his eyes out.
"Why are you crying?" the two men asked. "You got the mansion and limo!"
The first man replied, "I'm crying because I saw my wife a little while ago, and she was riding a skateboard!"

Bar Question

A guy walks into a bar waving a handgun and shouts, "I want to know who's been screwing my wife!" One of the patrons swiveled around on his stool and drunkenly slured, "What kind of gun is that? A Smith and Wesson 686?" The husband replied, "Why the hell does that matter?!?" The drunk smiles and says, "Because a 686 only holds 6 bullets. You're gonna need to reload."

Moth Inspector

A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed. After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains. He rips open the blinds to find a naked man standing there. "Who the hell are you?" he yells. The naked guy replies, "I'm the moth inspector." "Oh, yeah? What are you doing naked?" He looks down and exclaims, "Oh my God, I'm too late!"