Fat and Skinny Women

A fat woman and a skinny woman were sitting together at a restaurant. "Men prefer thin women," said the skinny woman. "Really? Did your boyfriend tell you that?" said the fat one. "No, your boyfriend told me that!"

Saxophone

Q: Why did Bill Clinton give up the saxophone?
A: Because he had a hor-monica.

Wife's Heart Attack

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he asks. "I'm having a heart attack!" cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his four-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet, and he's got no clothes on!" He slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife. He rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the floor. "You bastard," says the husband. "My wife is having a heart attack, and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!"