Wrong Method

Two girls were roommates. One evening, Millie came running in, shedding clothes on the way to the bathroom. She yelled, "Hurry up Tillie, get ready for our date!" Tillie didn't know anything about the date and said so. Millie explained that she'd met two really great looking guys and had made dates for both of them for that evening. Tillie said, "I'm not going out on any more blind dates." "Why not?"" They're always the same," said Tillie, "It's sex, sex, sex! Nothing but a pain in the ass!" Millie looked at her in disbelief and exclaimed, "Honey, you're doing it wrong!"

Bad Day Signs

• You wake up on pavement.
• You can't find the clothes you wore home from the party.
• Your twin forgets your birthday.
• You wake up to discover your waterbed broke, and then remember you don't have a waterbed.
• You wake up with your mouth guard stuck, and then remember you don't wear a mouth guard.
• Your blind date turns out to be your ex-husband.
• You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
• Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George.

The Computer Dating Site Responds

A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating site and registered his qualifications. He wanted someone who enjoyed water sports, liked company, favored formal attire, and was very small.
The computer operated faultlessly. It sent him a penguin.