Rejection

My luck with girls is so bad, even the ones I fantasize about just want to be friends

The Envelope

My wife doesn't know it, but every time we have sex I put $1 in an envelope. I'm saving that money and plan on getting her something special for our anniversary.
So far she's getting a McChicken.

God's Feelings about Man

What did God say after he created man? "I can do better than this" and he made woman. But the disruptions created in Adam's internals when God removed his rib were so great that it caused Adam's brain to sink down into his testicles. One of Eve's first assignments was to explain to Adam the difference between his black and navy blue socks.