Relationship Jokes

Tractor Love

So there's this guy who reaaaally loves tractors. He had tractor toys, he read tractor weekly, he has tractor posters on his wall.... the works. He spent all his time consumed with tractors. So naturally, his mother got worried. She convinced him to go to the local bar to try and meet someone.
So he reluctantly goes to the bar and, miraculously, he finds a woman who loves tractors too. (Not as much as him, though because NO-ONE loves tractors as much as this guy). But he meets this girl who loves tractors enough to stimulate him, intellectually.
So fast forward a couple of months and this guy brings his girlfriend to the local field to watch the tractors go by during the sunset. He proposes to her and she says yes. Then they both fall asleep in the field and he has a dream that a tractor was coming to run over him. He wakes and there is a tractor coming towards him! He quickly rolls away but his fiancée gets run over and killed.
He is obviously devastated and swears never to even look at a tractor ever again. So he tears down all his posters and spends all his time in his room, alone and depressed for a few weeks until his mother, again intervenes and gets him to go to the local bar again.
When he arrives, the bar is on fire! He rushes in and takes a deep breath, sucking in all the fire and smoke.
The firemen immediately ask him how he did it.
"I'm an ex-tractor fan."

Categories: Relationship Jokes (Dating Jokes) , Profession Jokes (Farmer Jokes) , Profession Jokes (Firefighter Jokes)
Anonymous

Breakup

My girlfriend just admitted she used to be a Christian, so I broke up with her.
It might seem judgemental, but I have only known her since she was Christine.

Categories: Relationship Jokes (Break-up Jokes) , Sex Jokes (Transvestite Jokes)
Anonymous

The Hitman

Two guys are talking in a bar. “I want to kill my wife,” says one. “Why not ask Arti, over there,” says the other man, pointing to a man at the fruit-machine. “Arti over there is a top hitman,” the friend goes on. So the man approaches Arti. “Are you Arti the hit-man?” asks the man. “Sure am,” replies Arti. “You couldn’t murder my wife for me, could you?” asks the man. “I can,” replies Arti, “And you know, I promised my Master, who taught me the noble art of assassination, that I would do my one hundredth kill for a fee of just one pound and give the client two further kills for free.” “Great,” says the man. Could you kill my wife, her sister and my mother-in-law?” “OK”, replies Arti. “Get them to go to Tesco’s tomorrow at 10:00 AM.” “Right,” says the man. The following day the man’s wife, her sister and his mother-in-law are tricked by the man to go to Tesco’s. In walks Arti and in no time at all he strangles the wife, her sister and mother-in-law. All the newspapers lead with the same headline the following day – Arti chokes three for a pound at Tesco’s.

Categories: Dark Humor Jokes (Death Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Mother-in-Law Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Sister Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes)
Anonymous
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