Girlfriends' Hit

A guy walks in and sits down at a bar. His face is all bruised and bleeding so the bartender asks, "Hey buddy, what in the world happened to you?" The guy says, "Oh, I got in a fight with my girlfriend and I called her a two-bit whore." "Yeah?" asks the bartender. "What did she do?" "She hit me with her bag of quarters!"

What A Happy Marriage Is Made of...

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

Others Before Me

The morning after an all-night honeymoon extravaganza in bed, the newlywed wife snuggles up to her hubby and asks, "Sweetheart, how many others were there before me?"
After a few minutes of silence, the wife says, "Well, I'm waiting."
The guy takes a deep breath and says, "Well, I'm still counting."