Wedding Performance

On the eve of his wedding night, a confused young man calls his father to ask him about his upcoming performance. "Dad," says the son, "what do I do tonight? I'm very nervous." "Don't worry," comforts the father. "It's all very simple. Remember that thing you used to play with as a teenager?  Well, you just take that and stick it where your wife pees." So that night, the now-confident young man takes his G.I. Joe and throws it in the toilet!

Cheat Day

Bob and his wife started dieting a week ago. His wife proposed that they should have a cheat day today.
She brought home KFC wings and a Big Mac from McDonalds. Bob brought home his secretary.
From his hospital bed, Bob is wondering when men will ever begin to understand women.

Triplets

A doctor from Canada was having an affair with one of his female co-workers. One day she announced to him that she was pregnant with his child. The doctor gave her enough money to fly to California and live their until the child was born. He gave her instructions to send him a postcard with the word SAURKRAUT on it when she gave birth. About nine months later the doctor arrived home when his wife handed him a postcard. "Here", she said. "This came in the mail today". The doctor took the postcard and it read... SAURKRAUT SAURKRAUT SAURKRAUT;  TWO WITH WEINERS & ONE WITHOUT!