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Relationship Jokes
The Fight!
Kelly limps into his favorite pub, "My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast. "I got in a tiff with Riley", whispered Kelly to the bartender.
"Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said surprised. "He must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was."
"Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?"
"Aye, that I did - Mrs. Riley's right tit." Kelly said. "And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight!"
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Too Much Celebrating
The couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. "Elliot," she said, pointing, "do you see that man downing bourbon at the bar?"
The husband looked over and nodded. "Well," the woman continued, "he's been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!"
The husband returned to his meal. "Nonsense," he said, "even that's not worth so much celebrating!"
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What a Woman Really Needs
A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and listening, the counselor said that he had discovered the main problem. He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand,and gave her a hug. He looked at the man and said, "This is what your wife needs, at least once a day!" The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "Ok, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?"
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