Two Men Discussing Their Lives

Two men are discussing their lives. One says, "I'm getting married. I'm tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear. "The other one says, "I'm getting divorced for the same reasons."

Locate your Heart

An old lady's husband had just died and she felt their was no reason to live anymore. She called the doctor and asked exactly where her heart was. He told her it should be under her left breast. That night she went to the emergency room with a gun shot in the knee.

Goodwill

Wife: I have a bag full of clothes I'd like to donate.
Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? It's much easier.
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use the clothes
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits in your clothes is not starving.