Job Well Done!

A man and woman were celebrating their 50 year anniversary. That night, the woman comes out of the bathroom completely naked and looks at her husband who is already in bed. She says, "Honey, 50 years ago tonight, when I came out of the bathroom with no clothes on, what were you thinking?" He said, "I was thinking that I wanted to suck your titties dry and fuck you until you couldn't think straight." She smiled at him and said, "So what are you thinking now?" He said, "I think I did a pretty good job!"

Red Silk Panties

After a few casual dates with one of his coworkers a young man decided to heat things up by having a pair of bright red silk panties delivered to her on the morning of Valentine's Day.  Anxious to find out what she thought of them, he met her that afternoon of at a local pub. Seeing her enter the establishment wearing a mini dress and high heels with gleeful smile across her face, his heart began to race. " Did you like the red silk panties I sent you for Valentine's Day," he asked anxiously? " Yes," she exclaimed with a squeal. "I couldn't wait to put them on." " Are you wearing them now," he asked almost swallowing his Adam's apple? Suddenly her once ecstatic face was replaced by a look of disturbed confusion. "Damn," she said, "I must have left them at my boyfriend's place." 

Valentines for the Ex!

A man went to the market to buy Valentines' cards for his daughter and mother. There was a 50 foot display of hundreds of cards that astounded him. He muttered out loud, "I wonder if they have cards for ex-spouses." The clerk behind the counter said, "Oh, yes sir, they do have an 'ex' category, but they're in Sporting Goods." "Really?" "Yes sir...they're called bullets!"