Redneck Bull and Cow

Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark?
A: He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.

Redneck Marriage Vows

You know you're a redneck when you think marriage vows are what your father-in-law promised to do to you if you didn't marry his daughter.

Redneck List

You might be a redneck if...

• You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
• You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
• Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
• Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
• You burn your yard rather than mow it.
• You think the Nutcracker is something you do off the high dive.
• The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
• You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
• You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
• You come back from the dump with more than you took.
• You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
• Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.
• You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
• You've bathed with flea and tick soap.
• You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
• You have used a rag for a gas cap.
• Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
• You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
• You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
• Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
• You have a complete set of salad bowls, and they all say Cool Whip on the side.
• You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
• You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
• Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.
• You've used a toilet brush as a back-scratcher.
• You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.