You Might Be A Redneck...

You might be a redneck if...

• Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
• Your wife's hairdo attracts bees.
• Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
• The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.
• Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
• You pick your teeth from a catalog.
• You've ever financed a tattoo.
• You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."
• Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
• Your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.

You Might Be A Redneck 53

You might be a redneck if...

• You think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.
• You're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.
• You don't think Jeff's jokes are funny.
• Your house has a kickstand.
• You drive around a parking lot for fun.
• Your girlfriend has ever called YOUR parents "Ma and Pa".
• You have to duct tape your gloves on.
• You've ever pruned your trees with a shotgun.
• Someone says they spotted Bigfoot and you go buy tickets to the tractor pull.
• You think that Marlboro is a cologne.

Redneck Computer Terms

|Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter.
Log Off: Don't add no wood.
Monitor: Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.
Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
Mega Hertz: When yer not careful down loadin'.
Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood.
Ram: The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.
Hard Drive: Getting' home in the winter season.
Prompt: What you wish the mail was in the winter.
Windows: What to shut when it's below 15 below.
Screen: What 'cha need for the black fly season.
Byte: That's what the flies do.
Chip: What to munch on.
Micro Chip: What's left in the bottom of the bag.
Infrared: Where the left-overs go when Fred's around.
Modem: What 'cha did to the hay fields.
Dot Matrix: Farmer Matrix's wife.
Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy.
Keyboard: Where ya hang your keys.
Software: Them plastic eatin' utensils.
Mouse: Whats eats the horses grain.
Main Frame: Hold up the barn roof.
Port: Fancy wine.
Enter: C'mon in.
Random Access Memory: You can't remember whatcha' paid for that new rifle when your wife asks.