Jeff Foxworthy on Middle Ages Castle Trash

You Know You're Castle Trash If...
Your shroud of Turin is painted on velvet.
Your daughter's chastity belt has rusted.
You can't afford a cod piece... nobody notices.
You have more sheep dogs than sheep.
You sold your only horse to buy that jousting lance you just had to have.
The plague improved your complexion... but only for a little while.
The Pope sends you to the Crusades... in Norway.
Your armor is made from that foil that came with your chewing gum.
Your wife is stronger than your plow horse...but the horse is prettier.
The grail you brought home has "made in China" printed on the bottom.
Your wife says you have the smallest turret in the kingdom.
You won "most improved " at the tournament.
They call your daughter made Marian.
Your family crest is a chicken with a banner that says "peace before discomfort".
Your sheep seem strangely nervous around your oldest son.

North V. South

• The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes. The South has 'mater samiches.
• The North has coffeehouses. The South has Waffle Houses.
• The North has dating services. The South has family reunions.
• The North has switchblade knives. The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
• The North has double last names. The South has double first names.
• The North has Ted Kennedy. The South has Jesse Helms.
• The North has an ambulance. The South has an amalance.
• The North has the Mafia. The South has NASCAR.
• The North has Indy car races. The South has Swamp Buggy races.
• The North has Cream of Wheat or Oatmeal. The South has grits.
• The North has green salads. The South has collard greens and chitlins.
• The North has lobsters. The South has crawdads.
• The North has Distilleries, Breweries, and liquor stores. The South has stills, shine, and them ridgerunners.
• The North has the rust belt. The South has the Bible Belt.
• The North has Dan Quayle. The South has Bill Clinton.

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