Popular Jokes

These jokes are our most popular jokes over the past few months, based on all user feedback. Vote for your favorites today!

You Might Be A Redneck If

The highlight of your family reunion was your sister's nude dancing debut.

Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

You Must Be A Redneck If

  • You recycle your own toilet paper
  • Your mom has to shave more times a month than your dad
  • You see a bill board that says "Don't do crack" and it reminds you to pull up your pants.
  • You stare at a carton of orange juice because it says "concentrate."
  • Your bumper sticker reads: "One more Whore and We Get Gore."
  • The nativity scene you set up in your yard at Christmas includes two pink flamingos and baby Jesus lying in a painted tire.
  • Most of your teeth are on a chain around your neck.
  • You hunt from your bedroom window.
  • Your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade.
  • You refrigerate your food stamps.
  • You use a 10 penny nail to pick your teeth after a night of road kill.
  • You have ever dressed your child as a "Snot-rag" for Halloween.
  • Your idea of a loaded dishwasher is getting your wife drunk.
  • You and your spouse get divorced and you are still relatives.
  • You go to your local ice cream store and order Copenhagen "sprinkles" on your cone.
  • You know instinctively that red wine goes with opossum.
  • You're always looking to find your Mother-in-Law's picture on the back of a milk carton!
  • The officer that just pulled you over asks if "you have any I.D." and you respond "About whut?"
  • You take a beer to a job interview.
  • You are caught roll'n your trailer down the street to jump start the heater.
  • When you finish eatin' your bologna you use the rind for dental floss.
  • You go to Goodwill to meet women.
  • You and your friends are putting an engine in a pickup, drinking beer, and the conversation is: Which county jail has the best food!

Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Southern Comments

Exclamations:

  • "Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!"
  • "Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."
Threats:
  • "I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style."
  • "This'll jar your preserves."
  • "Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!"
Good Things & Compliments:
  • "Cute as a sack full of puppies."
  • "If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."
  • "Gooder than grits."
The Weather:
  • "It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
  • "It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
  • Wintry roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot."
Descriptions:
  • A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off."
  • When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count."
  • If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."
  • "He ran like his feet was on fire and his ass was catchin."
  • A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor."
Insults:
  • "She's uglier than homemade soap."
  • "Your momma's so fat, when she stepped up on the scale to be weighed, it said 'To be continued.'"
  • "He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
  • "Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."
  • "The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead"
  • Any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart." Example: "She's dumber than a door knob, bless her heart."

Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous
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