Presidential HoldUp

One day the President was out jogging without his guards. All of a sudden a man with a ski mask jumped out from behind some bushes with a gun. The masked man said "Give me all your money!"
Unwilling to do so, the President said, "You can't do this, I'm the President!" The man then replied,..."Oh, never mind then. Give me MY money!"

Monica and Bob

What do Monica and Bob Dole have in common?

1. They're both upset Clinton finished first.
2. They called off the investigation of President Clinton due to a lack of evidence.
3. Turns out he didn't tell her to lie, he told her to kneel.

Signs Your Car Might Be A Lemon

Motor Trend never mentioned a "Chevrolet Caca."
Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.
Passenger-side "airbag" is actually Rush Limbaugh crammed inside your glove box.
Two Words: Pontiac Sunkist
Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.
Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.
Car has spent more time on "60 Minutes" than on the road.
Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.
Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.
Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.
"Jaws of Life" in trunk.
The hood ornament?
An ostrich with its head in the sand.
When you sit behind the wheel, a nerdy billionaire voice asks, "Where do you want to go today?"
You realize too late that it *is* your father's Oldsmobile.
Ralph Nader's home phone number written on dashboard.
The telltale green-and-yellow-make-blue Zip-Lok seals on your air bags.