Monica and Bob

What do Monica and Bob Dole have in common?

1. They're both upset Clinton finished first.
2. They called off the investigation of President Clinton due to a lack of evidence.
3. Turns out he didn't tell her to lie, he told her to kneel.

Signs Your Car Might Be A Lemon

Motor Trend never mentioned a "Chevrolet Caca."
Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.
Passenger-side "airbag" is actually Rush Limbaugh crammed inside your glove box.
Two Words: Pontiac Sunkist
Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.
Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.
Car has spent more time on "60 Minutes" than on the road.
Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.
Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.
Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.
"Jaws of Life" in trunk.
The hood ornament?
An ostrich with its head in the sand.
When you sit behind the wheel, a nerdy billionaire voice asks, "Where do you want to go today?"
You realize too late that it *is* your father's Oldsmobile.
Ralph Nader's home phone number written on dashboard.
The telltale green-and-yellow-make-blue Zip-Lok seals on your air bags.

George W. Bush Eats Out

George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC with his wife, Laura. The waiter approaches the table and asks for his order.
"I'll have your biggest, juiciest London Broil," answers the President.
"But sir, what about the mad cow?!!" asks the waiter.
"Oh," answers Dubya, "she'll order for herself."