Osama Bin Laden Visits Mount Sinai

Q: Why did Osama bin Laden visit Mount Sinai?
A: He wanted to see the burning Bush.

Einstein, Picasso, George W. Bush to Heaven

When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn't let him in until he proved his identity. Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise.
And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, "How do I know you're Picasso?" Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces. St. Peter was convinced and let him in. When George W. Bush died, he went to heaven and met the man at the gates. "How can you prove to me you're George W. Bush?" Saint Peter said. Bush replied, "Well heck, I dont know." St. Peter says, "Well, Albert Einstein showed me his equations and Picasso drew his famous pictures. What can you do to prove you're George W. Bush?" Bush replies, "Who are Albert Einstein and Picasso?"
St. Peter says, "It must be you, George, c'mon on in."

Marion Barry Quotes

Some of the finest quotes from the Honorable Marion Barry:

• "The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather."
• "I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."
• "If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate."
• "First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl."
• "I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."
• "The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist."
• "I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria, or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?"
• "People have criticized me because my security detail is larger than the president's. But you must ask yourself: are there more people who want to kill me than who want to kill the president? I can assure you there are."
• "The brave men who died in Vietnam, more than 100% of which were black, were the ultimate sacrifice."
• "I read a funny story about how the Republicans freed the slaves. The Republicans are the ones who created slavery by law in the 1600's. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and he was not a Republican."
• "What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary?"
• "People blame me because these water mains break, but I ask you, if the water mains didn't break, would it be my responsibility to fix them then? WOULD IT!?!"
• "I am a great mayor; I am an upstanding Christian man; I am an intelligent man; I am a deeply educated man; I am a humble man."