Light Bulb - Liberals II

Q: How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two-one to do it and the other to keep the first one's knee from jerking.

Obama Golf

During his golfing vacation at Martha's Vineyard, President Obama had been slicing off the tee on every hole. He asked his Scottish caddy if he had noticed any obvious reasons for his poor tee shots, to which the caddy replied: "Aye, there's a piece of shyt on the end of yer driver". The President picked up his driver and cleaned the club face, at which point the caddy said, "No, the other end".

President's Poem

I did not do it in a car, I did not do it in a bar
I did not do it in the dark, I did not do it in the park
I did not do it on a date, I did not ever fornicate
I did not do it at a dance, I did not do it in her pants
I did not get beyond first base, I did not do it in her face
I never did it in a bed, Trust me now, you've been misled
I did not do it with a groan, I did not do it on the phone
I did not cause her dress to stain, I never boinked Saddam Hussein
I did not do it with a whip, I never fondled Linda Tripp
I never acted really silly, With volunteers like Kathleen Willey
There was one time with Margaret Thatcher, I chased her 'round, but could not catch her
No kinky stuff, not on your life, I wouldn't, even with my wife
Gennifer Flowers' tale of woes, Was paid for by my right-wing foes
And Paula Jones, and those State Troopers, Are just a bunch of party poopers
I did not ask my friends to lie, I did not hang them out to dry
I did not do it last November, But if I did, I don't remember
I did not do it in the hall, I could have, but I don't recall
I never did it in my study, I never touched my good dog, Buddy
I never did it to Sox, the cat, I might have once with Arafat
I never did it in a hurry, I never groped Ms. Betty Currie
There was no sex at Arlington, There was no sex on Air Force One
I might have copped a little feel, And then endeavored to conceal
But never did these things so lewd, At least, not ever in the nude
These things to which I have confessed, They do not count, if we stayed dressed
It never happened with a cigar, I never dated Mrs. Starr
I did not know this little sin, Would be retold on CNN
I broke some rules my Mama taught me, I tried to hide, but now you've caught me
But I implore, I do beseech, Do not condemn, do not impeach
I might have got a little tail, But never once did I inhale.