Business Laws B&C

Bureau Termination, Law of: When a government bureau is scheduled to be phased out, the number of employees in that bureau will double within 12 months after the decision is made.
Brooke's Law: Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
Calkin's Law of Menu Language: The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of a menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the dish.
Canada Bill Jones's Motto: It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
Canada Bill Jones's Supplement: A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
Carlson's Consolation: Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as a bad example.
Carson's Observation on Footwear: If the shoe fits, buy the other one, too.
Chisolm's Law of Completion: The amount of time required to complete a government project is precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.
Chisolm's First Corollary to Murphy's Second Law: When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will. 

Vision

I'm tired of wearing glasses, so if you're an optician, contact me.

Some Business One-Liners

• Some of it plus the rest of it is all of it.
• Some see things as they are and ask 'why?'; I dream of things that never were and ask 'why not?'" - George Bernard Shaw
• Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
• Sometimes I think we are alone in the universe. Sometimes I think we are not. In either case, the thought is quite staggering.
• Sometimes too much drink is not enough.
• Sometimes you're the bird, and sometimes you're the windshield.
• Speak softly and own a big, mean doberman.
• Stay in with the outs.
• Success always occurs in private, and failure in full public view.
• Success can be insured only by devising a defense against failure of the contingency plan.