1970 vs. 2000

1970: Long Hair - 2000: Longing for hair
1970: The perfect high. - 2000: The perfect high yield mutual fund.
1970: Keg. - 2000: EKG.
1970: Acid Rock. 2000: Acid Reflux.
1970: Moving to California because it's cool. - 2000: Moving to California because it's warm.
1970: Growing pot. - 2000: Growing pot belly.
1970: Douglas Street bridge. - 2000: Dental bridge.
1970: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents. - 2000: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your children.
1970: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor. - 2000: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
1970: Seeds and stems. - 2000: Roughage.
1970: Popping pills, smoking joints. 2000: Popping joints.
1970: Our president's struggle with Fidel. - 2000: Our president's struggle with fidelity.
1970: Paar. - 2000: AARP.
1970: Being caught with Hustler magazine. - 2000: Being caught with Hustler magazine.
1970: Killer weed. - 2000: Weed killer.
1970: Hoping for a BMW. - 2000: Hoping for a BM.
1970: The Grateful Dead. - 2000: Dr. Kevorkian.
1970: Getting out to a new, hip joint. - 2000: Getting a new hip joint.
1970: Rolling Stones. - 2000: Kidney stones.
1970: Being called into the principal's office. - 2000: Calling the principal's office.
1970: Screw the system! - 2000: Upgrade the system.
1970: Peace sign. - 2000: Mercedes logo.
1970: Parents begging you to get your hair cut. - 2000: Children begging you to get their heads shaved.
1970: Take acid. - 2000: Take antacid.
1970: Passing the driver's test. - 2000: Passing the vision test.
1970: "Whatever" - 2000: "Depends"

New Girl

An 85 year old man, who has been a single widower for 30 years, gets engaged to a 27 year old girl. He goes to his doctor for a Viagra prescription in preparation for his wedding night. The doctor tells him, " I need to warn you that given the length of time that you have been abstinent and the potency of this drug, sex could prove to be fatal."
The old man says "Doc, if she dies, she dies."

A Man and His Money

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me. He made her promise with all her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!' She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband!" She said, "Listen, I'm a Christian. I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was gonna put that money in that casket with him. "You mean to tell me you really put that money in the casket with him!? "I sure did," said the wife. "I wrote him a check." Never Underestimate The Intelligence of a Woman.