Get Some Toilet Paper

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head. "Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."

Old MP's

OLD MP's never die, they just attain peerage

Being Old and Bent

Patient: Doctor, is there anything worse than being old and bent?
Doctor: Yes there is - being young and broke.