Being Old and Bent

Patient: Doctor, is there anything worse than being old and bent?
Doctor: Yes there is - being young and broke.

Crow Vision

My mom has crows feet in the corner of her eyes.
They really don't suit her. I told her she was too old for a facial tattoo.

1970 vs. 2000

1970: Long Hair - 2000: Longing for hair
1970: The perfect high. - 2000: The perfect high yield mutual fund.
1970: Keg. - 2000: EKG.
1970: Acid Rock. 2000: Acid Reflux.
1970: Moving to California because it's cool. - 2000: Moving to California because it's warm.
1970: Growing pot. - 2000: Growing pot belly.
1970: Douglas Street bridge. - 2000: Dental bridge.
1970: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents. - 2000: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your children.
1970: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor. - 2000: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
1970: Seeds and stems. - 2000: Roughage.
1970: Popping pills, smoking joints. 2000: Popping joints.
1970: Our president's struggle with Fidel. - 2000: Our president's struggle with fidelity.
1970: Paar. - 2000: AARP.
1970: Being caught with Hustler magazine. - 2000: Being caught with Hustler magazine.
1970: Killer weed. - 2000: Weed killer.
1970: Hoping for a BMW. - 2000: Hoping for a BM.
1970: The Grateful Dead. - 2000: Dr. Kevorkian.
1970: Getting out to a new, hip joint. - 2000: Getting a new hip joint.
1970: Rolling Stones. - 2000: Kidney stones.
1970: Being called into the principal's office. - 2000: Calling the principal's office.
1970: Screw the system! - 2000: Upgrade the system.
1970: Peace sign. - 2000: Mercedes logo.
1970: Parents begging you to get your hair cut. - 2000: Children begging you to get their heads shaved.
1970: Take acid. - 2000: Take antacid.
1970: Passing the driver's test. - 2000: Passing the vision test.
1970: "Whatever" - 2000: "Depends"