How Old?

They say you're only as old as you feel.
Well, I feel like I've been exhumed from the tombs of Egypt, given a cup of coffee and sent to work.

Lost Far From Home

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park... and couldn't find his way home. "Oy Morris," said grandma, "You've been going to that park for over 30 years! So how could you get lost?" Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, "I wasn't lost... I was just too tired to walk home."

I Am Beautiful

An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."