Paying The Price

William and Mildred decided to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. William went to the front desk to check them in while Mildred stayed with the car. As he was leaving the lobby, a young woman dressed in a very short skirt introduced herself as Candie. William brushed her off. When William and Mildred got to their room, he told her that he'd been approached by a prostitute. "I don't believe you," laughed Mildred. "I'll prove it," said William. He called down to the desk and asked for Candie to come to room 1217. "Now," he said to his wife, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us." Soon, there was a knock on the door. Candie walked in, swirling her hips provocatively. "So, I see you're interested after all," she said. William asked, "How much do you charge?" " $125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services." William was taken aback. "$125! I was thinking more in the range of $25." Candie laughed. "You must really be an old-timer if you think you can buy sex for that price." "Well," said William, "I guess we can't do business. Goodbye." After she left, Mildred came out of the bathroom. "I just can't believe it." William said, "Let's go have a drink and forget it." Back downstairs at the bar, the old couple sipped their cocktails. Candie came up behind William, pointed at Mildred, and said, "See what you get for $25?"

Who's Your Daddy

Dan and Joe, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Joe didn't show up. Dan didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Joe hadn't shown up for a week or so, Dan really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Dan didn't know where Joe lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month had passed, and Dan figured he had seen the last of Joe, but one day, Dan approached the park and-- lo and behold! -- there sat Joe! Dan was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, "For crying out loud Joe, what in the world happened to you?" Joe replied, "I've been in jail." "Jail!, cried Dan.  What in the world for?"
"Well", Joe said, "You know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?" "Yeah, said Dan, "I remember her. What about her?" "Well, the little gold-digging witch figured I was rich and she filed rape charges against me and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded guilty."
"The judge gave me 30 days for perjury."

Senior Positions

Two old women were talking about their sex lives. Ethel was upset because her sex life had really died, while Mildred said her sex life was great. Mildred counseled Ethel, "When my Sammy is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lie on the bed, and put both legs behind my head. When he sees me like that, he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night." Ethel said, "I'm going to try that tonight." While Ethel's husband Harold was in the bathroom that night, she took off all her clothes. She struggled to get both legs behind her head. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel fell backwards and couldn't move. Harold came out of the bathroom with a shocked look on his face. "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an a**hole."