Old Chatter

You know you're getting old when you tell someone you woke up with a stiffy and they think your wife died in her sleep.

Bending

The old man was saying to his doctor, "You know, Doc, when I was young, it was as hard as a rock. As I got a little older, I could bend it a little and now I can bend it a lot. Does that mean I'm getting stronger?"

Budget Crisis

An elderly couple were flat broke. They didn’t have a single dime and all options were exhausted. They decided that she had to sell herself on the street, so she went out for a day of prostitution. That evening, she came back and put 20 dollars and 10 cents on the table.
Old Man: What the hell! Who paid 10 cents?
Old Lady: Everybody