Spell Ice Cream

This little old lady walks into an ice cream parlor and asks for 2 scoops of chocolate ice cream. The man behind the counter says 'I'm sorry, we are all out of chocolate ice cream'. The lady says 'OK, I'll take one scoop of chocolate ice cream in a cup.' The man says 'Ma-am, we are all out of chocolate'. The little old lady says 'OK, then I'll have a single scoop of chocolate in a cone'. The man, a little more irritated this time says 'Ok, lady. Spell van as in vanilla'. The lady says V A N, The man says, 'OK, spell straw as in strawberry'. The lady says S T R A W. The man says, 'OK, now spell fuck as in chocolate'. The lady says there ain't no fuck in chocolate. The man says, 'Lady, that's what I've been trying to tell you all along!

Three Old Ladies Who Are Hard of Hearing

Three old ladies, who are hard of hearing, are walking down the street.
Old Lady #1: Whew, it's windy today!
Old Lady #2: No. Today's Thursday!
Old Lady #3: So am I! Let's go to a bar!

Gas Attack

There was once a very prim and proper older lady who had a problem with passing gas. Since she came from a generation when people didn't even talk about this kind of problem it took a long time for her to seek help. Finally, however, she was persuaded to consult her family doctor. After she filled out all the proper forms and had waited about 20 minutes in the waiting room the doctor called her into his office, leaned back in his chair, folded his hands into a steeple and asked her how he could help. "Doctor," she said, "I have a very bad gas problem." "A gas problem?" replied the doctor. "Yes. Yesterday afternoon, I had lunch with the Secretary of State and his wife and had six, um, er, ahhh... silent gas emissions. Last night, I had dinner with the governor and his wife and had four silent gas emissions. Then, while sitting in your waiting room I had five silent gas emissions! Doctor, you've got to help me! What can we do?" "Well," said the doctor, "I think the first thing we're going to do is give you a hearing test!"