Growing Older

Three old men were sitting on a porch. "I wish I could take a healthy piss," said one. "I wish I could take a healthy crap," said another. The third one said, "I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM. I just wish I could get up before noon."

Definition of a Successful Date

Age - Definition of successful date
17  -"Burger King"
25  -"Free meal"
35 - "A diamond"
48 - "A bigger diamond"
66 - "Home Alone"

Old Couple's Parts Inspection

One day an old man and his wife were sitting in their rockers. The old man reached over and grab his wife's breast and said, ''If these produced milk, we could get rid of the cow.'' Then he reached down and grabbed between her legs and said, ''If this was a little warmer, we wouldn't need the furnace.'' The old woman reached over and grabbed his dick and said, ''If this was a little harder, I wouldn't need your brother.''