A Childs View of a Retirement

After Christmas break, the teacher asked her small pupils how they spent their holidays. One small boy's reply went like this: We always spent Christmas with Grandpa and Grandma. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona. They go to a big building they call a wrecked hall. But if it was wrecked, it is fixed now. They play games there and do exercises, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool and they go to it and just stand in the water with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim. My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody cooks there. They all go to fast food restaurants. As you come into the park, there is a doll house with a man sitting in it. He watches all day so they can't get out without him seeing them. They wear badges with their names on them. I guess they don't know who they are. My Grandma said Grandpa worked hard all his life and earned his retardment. I wish they would move back home, but I guess the man in the doll house won't let them out.

Happy Monday

Q: What do you call a person who's happy on Monday?
A: Retired.

New Wife

The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife were shopping in an upscale jewelry boutique when the man's oldest friend bumped into him. Eyeing the curvaceous blonde bending over the counter to try on a necklace, the friend asked "How in the hell did YOU land a wife like that?"The old man whispered back, "Easy. I told her I was 90!"