Budget Crisis

An elderly couple were flat broke. They didn’t have a single dime and all options were exhausted. They decided that she had to sell herself on the street, so she went out for a day of prostitution. That evening, she came back and put 20 dollars and 10 cents on the table.
Old Man: What the hell! Who paid 10 cents?
Old Lady: Everybody

Happy Monday

Q: What do you call a person who's happy on Monday?
A: Retired.

New Wife

The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife were shopping in an upscale jewelry boutique when the man's oldest friend bumped into him. Eyeing the curvaceous blonde bending over the counter to try on a necklace, the friend asked "How in the hell did YOU land a wife like that?"The old man whispered back, "Easy. I told her I was 90!"