A Wise Man

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. "These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained. "These fairways seem to be getting longer too," said one of the others. "The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too," said the third senior. After hearing enough from his Senior buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the four of them at 87 years old, piped up and said... "Quit your dang complaining and just be thankful we're still on the right side of the grass!"

Pet Cemetery

An old lady was getting on the bus to go to the pet cemetery with her cat's remains.  As she got on the bus, she whispered to the bus driver, "I have a dead p*ssy."  The driver pointed to the lady sitting behind him and said, "Sit with my wife, you two have a lot in common!"

Cosmo Quad Turbo RX-7

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 2005 Bugatti Veyron 16.4.  It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it sets him back $1.24M.
He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light.  An old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him.
The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"
The young man replies "A 2005 Bugatti Veyron 16.4. It cost $1.24M."
"That's a lot of money" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.
The moped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?"
"Sure," replies the owner.
So, the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!"
Just then, the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do.  He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320 MPH.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!  He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoossh!  Something whips by him, going much faster!
"What on earth could be going faster than my 16.4?" the young man asks himself.
Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him.  Whoooooosh!  It goes by again, heading the opposite direction!  And, it almost looked like the old man on the moped!
"Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a moped outrun a Bugatti?"
Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror!  Whooooosh Ka-BbblaMMM!  It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end.
The young man jumps out, and good grief, it is the old man!!!  Of course the moped and the old man are hurting for certain.
He runs up to the dying old man and says, "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old man groans and replies "Yes. Unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror!"