Old Golfer

At a Sunday church service, the priest asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" All but one man held up their hand. "Mr. Webber, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any," he replied gruffly. "Mr. Webber, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety-eight," he replied. The congregation stood up and applauded. "Mr. Webber, would you please tell us how one can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"
The old golfer slowly stood and said simply, "I outlived all them assholes."

Old Man and Viagra

This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat. His wife said, "Where are you going ?"He said, "I'm going to the doctor." And she said, "Why? Are you sick?" "No," he said. "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills." So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, "Where are you going?" She said, "I'm going to the doctor too." He said, "Why?" She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm going to get a tetanus shot."

Problems During Flight

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant. "I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time."