Reasoning Test

Three elderly ladies were at the doctor for a cognitive reasoning test. The doctor says to the first gal, "What is three times three?" "297," was her prompt reply. "Ummm humm," says the doc. The doctor says to the second lady, "It's your turn now. What is three times three?" "Friday," replies the second lady. "Ummm humm..." Then the doc says to the third, "Okay, ma'am, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," she says. "That's wonderful!" says the doc. "Tell me, how did you get that?" "Simple," she says, beaming... "I subtracted 297 from Friday!"

Retirement

One day, while going to the store, I passed by a nursing home.  On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass, Millie, Nelda, Elma, Lacey, Sippy and Rosie.
I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store. On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn.
This time my curiosity got the best of me, and I went inside to talk to the Nursing Home Administrator. 'Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?'
'Yes,' she said. 'They're retired prostitutes, and they're having a yard sale.'

80 Years Old

An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. I started taking this new Viagra pill, and last night I had an affair and made love to two 18-year-old girls. Both of them. Twice."
The priest said, "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"
"Never Father, I'm Jewish."
"So then, why are you telling me?"
"Because I'm telling everybody!"