Business Mergers

• Xerox and Wurlitzer: They're going to make reproductive organs
• Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers: New company will be called Fairwell Honeychild
• Polygram records, Warner Brothers and Keebler: new company will be called Poly Warner Cracker
• W.R. Grace Co., Fuller Brush Co., Mary Kay Cosmetics and Hale Business Systems: New company will be called Hale Mary Fuller Grace
• 3M and Goodyear: New company will be called MMM Good
• John Deere and Abitibi-Price: new company will be called Deere Abi
• Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil: New company will be called Honey I'm Home
• Denison Mines, Alliance and Metal Mining: New company will be called Mine, All Mine
• 3M, J.C. Penney and Canadian Opera Company: New company will be called 3 Penney Opera
• Grey Poupon and Dockers Pants: New company will be called Poupon Pants
• Knott's Berry Farm and National organization of Women: New company will be called Knott NOW!
• Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining: New compant will be called Zip Audi Do-Da

Pie Chart

The only time a pie chart is appropriate is at a baker's convention.

Business One-Liners Continued

• If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances are someone else will do it for you.
• If you have to ask, you are not entitled to know.
• If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior.
• If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
• If you keep saying things are going to be bad, you have a chance of being a prophet.
• If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.
• If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you.
• If you mess with a thing long enough, it will break.
• If you plan to leave your mark in the sands of time, you better wear work shoes.
• If you put it off long enough, it might go away.