Proud Father

When his wife gave birth to a healthy baby, a proud father went in to work and told everybody that he has a 10 lb healthy son. After hearing what was going on, the wife tells the father to quit telling everybody that the baby is 10 lb because he's only 8.6 lb.Next day at work, the father comes in and tells everyone that the baby is only 8 lb. "What do you mean, he was 10 yesterday?" "Umm, well that was before he got circumcised".

The Ten Ifs

1. If it rings, put it on hold.
2. If it clunks, call the repairman.
3. If it whistles, ignore it.
4. If it's a friend, stop work and chat.
5. If it's the boss, look busy.
6. If it talks, take notes.
7. If it's handwritten, type it.
8. if it's typed, copy it.
9. If it's copied, file it.
10. If it's Friday, forget it!

Filing System

Two secretaries were talking about their work. "I hate filing," said one. "No matter how careful I am, I can never find the papers I'm looking for. I forget where I have filed them."
"I used to have that problem too, but no more," her blonde friend said. "Now I make 26 copies of everything I type and file one under each letter of the alphabet. That way, I can't miss it!"