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Work & Office Jokes

Proud Father
When his wife gave birth to a healthy baby, a proud father went in to work and told everybody that he has a 10 lb healthy son. After hearing what was going on, the wife tells the father to quit telling everybody that the baby is 10 lb because he's only 8.6 lb.Next day at work, the father comes in and tells everyone that the baby is only 8 lb. "What do you mean, he was 10 yesterday?" "Umm, well that was before he got circumcised".
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Smart CEO
A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the CEO (Chief Executive Officer) standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my admin has left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
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Play the Office Game
Here's a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points as follows:
ONE POINT:
- Run one lap around the office at top speed.
- Walk sideways to the photocopier.
- Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
- When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew.
- Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
- Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
- To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
- While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
- Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it." - Double points if you do this to a manager.
- Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
- Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
- At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
- Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
- For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'
- Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do number two"
- After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in, "the report's on your desk, mon." Keep this up for one hour.
- While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
- In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"
- In a colleague's diary, write in 10 am: "See how I look in tights."
- Carry your laptop over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"
- Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it"
- Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc.) during a very important conference call.
- Tuck one pant leg into your sock and when queried, answer, "not now" and walk away.
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