Laws from the W-Men

Vuilleumier's Laws For Building Electronic Prototypes:
First Law - Any pre-cut equipment is too short; this is specially true of optic fiber cables with expensive connectors at both ends.
Second Law - If n electronic components are required, n-1 are available.
Third Law (also known as "Selective Gravitational Field") - Any tool escaping manipulator's hands will not necessarily follow Earth's gravitational field, but will land in the most unreachable location in the prototype, smashing on its way the most expensive component of the prototype; this will know only one exception if the tool is particularly heavy, in which case it will land on the manipulator's foot.
Fourth Law - When proteup first, thankfully leaving the fuses intact.
Fifth Law - Prototype npn blackboxes actually hold pnp transistors, and vice-versa.
Sixth Law - A quartz oscillator oscillates at a frequency off the rated one by a minimum of 25%, if it does oscillate at all.
Seventh Law - When the prototype has been fully assembled according to lab instructions, a minimum of 11 components are left.
Cutler Webster's Law: There are two sides to every argument, unless a person is personally involved, in which case there is only one.
Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do the work.
Weinberg's Corollary: An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.
Wethern's Law: Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups. 

Condom Convention

A representative for a condom company is on her way to a convention. While rushing through the airport, she drops the briefcase carrying her samples of condoms all over the floor. As she is stuffing all the condoms back into her briefcase, she notices tourists giving her crazy looks. "It's ok, she says, "I am doing a huge convention."

Business One Liners

• If you are asked to join a parade, don't march behind the elephants.
• If you are coasting, you're going downhill.
• If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
• If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both.
• If you are not the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
• If you are running for a short line, it suddenly becomes a long line.
• If you are worried about being crazy, don't be overly concerned. If you were, you would think you were sane.
• If you can smile when things go wrong, you must have someone to blame.
• If you cannot convince them, confuse them. 
• If you cannot dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with lies.