Programming Business Lines

• Programming errors which would normally require one day to find will take five days when the programmer is in a hurry.
• Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.
• Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
• Progress may have been all right once, but it went on too long.
• Project Management is like pushing a wheelbarrow of frogs to market.
• Prostitution is the only business where you can go into the hole and still come out ahead.
• Quality assurance doesn't.
• Quit while your still behind.
• Real programmers argue with the systems analyst as a matter of principle.
• Real programmers don't announce how many times the operations department called them last night. 

Company Merger

Q: Did you hear about the FedEx-UPS merger?
A: The new company's gonna be called FedUp!

Signs You Forgot Admin Day

1. A copy of the latest bestseller "So, Your Head's Up Your Ass, Now What?" appears on your Kindle.
2. You receive an "Up Yours" Bouquet from FTD
3. First, a message that Shakira is on line 2, followed a few seconds later by Satanic laughter.
4. It's not so much the cold coffee, it's the staples at the bottom of the cup.
5. Your big business dinner at Marena in Midtown is rescheduled for Big Jeb's 24-Hour Truck Stop outside of Newark, New Jersey.
6. Nude pictures of Elton John randomly pop up in your Powerpoint presentations to management.
7. Now answers the phone, "Smith, Jones and Tighta**."
8. That NY-to-LA trip she booked for you now involves six plane changes, a 12-hour layover in Guam and a personal appearance on Dr. Phil's "I'm A Selfish Pig" episode.
9. Newly-updated organization chart lists your position as "Head Up His Ass."
10. Expense report you don't recall submitting comes back with denied charges for "strip club & hookers."