Cow Priced Like A Car

What would happen if we priced our "cows" using the same criteria the auto industry uses to price a "car"? A farmer had been taken several times by the local car dealer. One day, the car dealer informed the farmer that he was coming over to purchase a cow. The farmer priced his unit as follows:

• Basic cow...$499.99
• Shipping and handling...35.75
• Extra Stomach...79.25
• Two Tone Exterior...142.10
• Produce Storage Compartment...126.50
• Heavy Duty Straw Chomper...189.60
• Four Spigot/High Output Drain System...149.20
• Automatic Fly Swatter...88.50
• Genuine Cowhide Upholstery...179.90
• Deluxe Dual Horns...59.25
• Automatic Fertilizer Attachment...339.40
• 4X4 Traction Drive Assembly...884.16
• Pre-delivery Wash and Comb...69.80

FARMER'S SUGGESTED LIST PRICE:...$2,843.30
Additional Dealer Adjustments: ...300.00
TOTAL LIST PRICE (Including Options).........$3,143.36

The Difference Is

Q: What's the difference between a mans paycheck and his dick?
A: He can always find a girl to blow his paycheck!

Mastering Checking

Her teenage son was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing his new checking account. "The bank returned the check you wrote to the sporting goods store," she said. "Oh good," he said, "Now I can use it to buy some stereo equipment!"