Iraqi Military

Q: What are the Iraqi military rules of engagement?
A: If it doesn't move, hide behind it. If it does move, surrender to it.
Iraqi Military Motto: I came I saw I took my American truck and drove home. 

Military Blowjob

Q: Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Stubborn Camel

A woman reporter is driving a jeep in the desert. She sees a Captain in the French Foreign Legion pulling and tugging on a camel, but the camel won't budge.
The woman stops and says, "Captain! Do you need some help with the camel?"
The legionarie tells her the camel won't budge but she's welcome to try. The reporter gets out of the jeep, takes two bricks from the back and POW... smashes the camel's testicles with the bricks. The camel makes a terrible noise and runs off into the desert.
The captain drops his pants and says, "Great! Do me next, I've got to catch that son of a bitch!"