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Military Jokes - Army Jokes
Misunderstanding Terms
One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
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New Recruit
Ten recruits had just arrived at the training camp and were lined up for inspection.
"Hey Johnson!" yelled the drill instructor, " those are the ugliest shoes I've ever seen! "
"Yes, sir," Johnson answered.
"Those shoes are really really ugly, right?" hollered the drill instructor again.
"Yes, sir," answered the recruit.
"And that hair- don't they have barbershops where you came from?"
"Yes, sir," answered the recruit.
"So why didn't you get a haircut?"
"I was saving up for shoes, sir!"
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Camo Test
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. "You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?" "Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the big one say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' --- that did it!"
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