Army Private Needs New Glasses

An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said, "But you just got a new pair last month!" "Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b... broken in an accident," stammered the private. "Accident, what kind of an accident?" The Captain looked in his book of Accident definitions and glossaries, "Road-march accident, Firing Range accident, PT accident, Drill accident?" "No, no nothing of those..." said the private. "Well then, what is it?" "I'd rather not tell you sir..." "Well, no satisfactory explanations, no new glasses," said the medical officer, ready to stand up, "I've to see my patients now." "No, no sir wait, I broke them when I was kissing my girl," blurted the private. "Don't be daft man, how could you break your glasses kissing a girl?" "You see, she crossed her legs....."

Biden Iraqi Advice

Q: What advice did Joe Biden give to the Iraqi PM after the Carter remarks?
A: Get one of the Benelli shotguns we sent you, fire two shots in the air.  Those ISIS bastards will run for the hills.

Army Ants

Q: What do you call army ants when they fight?
A: Combatants