Dragging Your Feet

Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, Vietnam, 1969." The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."

Irishman declares war

Saddam Hussein is sitting at home when the phone rings. He picks it up and says, "Hello". The voice at the end of the phone says, "Hello Mr. Hussein, it's Paddy here. I'm just ringing to let you know that we've declared war on your country."  SH smiles to himself, "Come on Paddy", he says, "there's no point in you declaring war on us, you wouldn't stand a chance." Paddy replies, "No, no, we've had ourselves a meeting and we've decided to declare war on you."
So SH says, "OK Paddy, now listen, I've got an air force of over a thousand planes.  What kind of air force have you got to match that?  It'd be over in no time." So Paddy says, "Well my lad's got himself a hot-air balloon and my brother used to work at an airport."  Hussein laughs, "Oh come on, you've not got a hope". "Hold on a sec, Mr. Hussein", Paddy says, "we'll just have a quick meeting." So off he goes and has a quick meeting.
"Are you still there Mr. Hussein? Yes, well we've had our meeting and we've decided that we're still going to declare war." So SH says, "Right then Paddy, well you know, as well as the air force, we've also got about a thousand tanks. How are you going to match that." "Well," Paddy says, "I've got an old austin and my cousin down the road has got a tractor."  "Get real, " says SH, "that's no match at all." So Paddy says, "Hold on, I'll just go and have another meeting."
"Are you still there Mr. Hussein? Yes, well we've had our meeting, and we've decided that we're still going to declare war." SH thinks this is just amazing, "Well how many soldiers have you got Paddy?". "Well," says Paddy, "there's me, my kid, me 4 cousins, and they all had sons, and there's Bill down the road.  I reckon I could get together about 30."  Laughing openly now SH replies, "Come on Paddy, I've got 10,000 highly trained fighting men at my disposal. I think you'd better go and have another meeting." "I will", says Paddy, "I will."
"Are you still there Mr. Hussein? Yes, well we've had our meeting, and we've decided that we're not going to declare war on you after all." "At last, " replies SH, "What made you change your mind?"  "Well, it's those 10 thousand soldiers you see. We can't declare war on you because we've not got the facilities to keep all those prisoners!"

Fox Hole

Q: What is it called when a soldier slips into a fox hole?
A: Bestiality