Chemistry One - Liners

Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn't put it down?
 
Q: What's the formula for water?
A: -H-two-O
 
Q: What's the formula for an ice cube?
A: -H-two-O-CUBED
 
Q: What do you get when you combine Al Gore with O2?
A: Oxymoron The best chemists would definitely not be pet owners. Their idea of a catalyst: 2 bags of cat litter 3 cans of cat food 1 can of flea powder 1 collar
 
Q: How do you get lean molecules?
A:Feed them titrations.
 
Q: And why does a white bear melt in water?
A: Because it's polar. Did you hear about the industrialist who had a huge chloroform spill at his factory? His business went insolvent.
 
Q: What's the most important thing to learn in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon. 

An Eclipse

In a science class, the teacher asks her students what causes an eclipse. One student raises his hand and says, "It happens when the moon passes through the sun, causing an obstruction." "Very good observation," said the teacher, "any one else?" A young, blonde girl raises her hand and says, "Japan made this obstruction. They made this eclipse, which my dad drives everyday going to work," she quipped.

Magnet

Mr. Smythe had been giving his second-grade students a short lesson on science. He had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now, it was question time... "Class," he said, "My name begins with the letter `M' and I pick up things.... What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother!"